TRANSCRIPT
Correspondences.
A Bodcast on Bodily Sensing Delivered in Voice Packets
A project by Savannah Theis and Valentina Curandi
Friday February 28th, 2020
00:00.00 Voice packet #3 begins
Valentina Curandi
Somewhere, at some point I started thinking that I am a bad patient. I have been a patient in being
Savannah Theis
- the one who listens -
Valentina Curandi
quite impatient, always changing doctors, looking for a new prognosis, always made me
Savannah Theis
- the one who attends to -
Valentina Curandi
a new patient, made me able to retell a story, while ex- exposing sort of a diagnosis.
Savannah Theis
There is a systemic and interrelated way of understanding the individual and the personal experience, and relationships in general, and the wider society.
Valentina Curandi
The word patience, “patient”, refers to the present of “pati”. I suffer, I endure. At its turn this word comes from “pathos”, and means ‘to hurt’. There are two opposites being alive in one word.
Savannah Theis
- the one who interposes themselves, the intervener -
Valentina Curandi
Suffering and hurting: This possibility of suffering and hurting contained in a condition - to be a patient, is the active tense.
Savannah Theis
If I think about my current condition - my process of becoming a therapist,
Savannah Theis
- the one who looks for ghosts, the one who names them -
Savannah Theis
this is a place where I currently get caught,
Valentina Curandi
(cough) Language
Savannah Theis
partly because I don’t feel, I don’t want to feel that the work and the ways of thinking I am training in, are limited to the therapist-client or therapist-patient context.
Savannah Theis
Everyone including the therapist or facilitator are understood as part of the system, not neutral and not separate from it.
Valentina Curandi
In this condition of telling, exposing, I live again
Savannah Theis
- the apprentice of ghosts, of dream figures, of unwelcome visitors -
Valentina Curandi
I make sense of my pain and
Savannah Theis
What I experience in my body, its sensations, its symptoms, its pains.
Valentina Curandi
do I hurt my feeling with that?
I would say often times the process is rather upsetting, yes, as in possibly going completely through the trauma of being
Savannah Theis
- the one who is both inside and outside -
Valentina Curandi
presenting myself conditioned again and again.
Savannah Theis
One philosophical aspect of this work is to understand a ‘disturbance’ or ‘interference’ within the system as containing information that’s relevant and needed by that system in order to transform, in order for change to happen. I can understand a signal as relating to a wider system I am part of,
Savannah Theis
- the one who is signaling and picking up signals -
Savannah Theis
as well as my own internal system, the two of which are always in interaction
Savannah Theis
- some kind of complex interaction, intimately and always already linked to each other -
Savannah Theis
and not as separate as... I wonder what information is contained within this role that I call therapist,
Savannah Theis
- the one who is joining and becoming and amplifying -
Savannah Theis
and how it might be needed by me. It’s obviously disturbing me in some kind of way. So I see this therapist as not the only role that I take on when doing this work but it’s also an important role to acknowledge.
Valentina Curandi
Somehow I need to become
Savannah Theis
- the one who is in-te-rrup-ting a pattern -
Valentina Curandi
a patient
Savannah Theis
- a repetition -
Valentina Curandi
anew, constantly.
Savannah Theis
And these are qualities that are relevant to
Savannah Theis
- the one who notices -
Savannah Theis
my experience and
Savannah Theis
- the reason for the position of the therapist is to be personal-
Valentina Curandi
I have no interest in following through the possible different prescriptions I am given.
Valentina Curandi
Belief system #1: I know more than my doctors because I feel and they don’t however I am dependent on their prescriptions.
Valentina Curandi
When you get a feeling that this is going on,
Savannah Theis
- and passes through the edges -
Valentina Curandi
that could be something life long, what, what, what one does with that piece of information, right?
Savannah Theis
This information can be accessed phenomenologically and worked with
Savannah Theis
- the one who is not finished-
Savannah Theis
by supporting it, to be amplified and unfolded
Savannah Theis
- folded, folded, folded -
Savannah Theis
The quality in my voice might signal for me to get more and more... and to follow where that leads.
Valentina Curandi
This body I am in and that seems, to me and to the others, uncooperative
Savannah Theis
- in transit -
Valentina Curandi
and demanding, it’s my condition and that’s, that’s a call.
Savannah Theis
My physical experience acts as a barometer with which to gauge what’s emerging in me and the field around me.
Savannah Theis
- because attending to the reason for the position of another is attending to the feeling for the personal -
Savannah Theis
and what might need more support in myself.
Valentina Curandi
How do I respond? How do I figure out what a response for that is?
Savannah Theis
To me this searching attitude towards disturbances, even if they’re just subtle, minute interferences in the system, contributes
Savannah Theis
- a continuum -
Savannah Theis
a different perspective to the usual way of approaching things that are difficult or unwanted or unknown.
Valentina Curandi
Between being patient and being a patient there is a becoming,
Savannah Theis
- of fears -
Valentina Curandi
right?
Savannah Theis
- and doubts -
Valentina Curandi
or a letting go that’s from a quality that is first of all temporal - I am patient, I am waiting I have to wait, I have to do something on this waiting.
Savannah Theis
- and knowing -
Valentina Curandi
A patient, being a patient. There is some kind of declaration, there, that something has been delegated, that quality of patience has been somehow rendered dispossessed.
Valentina Curandi
Belief system #2: I will never get better and I’ll need more and more assistance.
Valentina Curandi
There is this property that has been given, right? Of the knowledge
Savannah Theis
- and blind spots -
Valentina Curandi
on one’s suffering, on one’s condition, right? When you become a patient of somebody.
Savannah Theis
Even though I'm against it initially, there’s also a really deep rigorous understanding, an expertise, and
Savannah Theis
- and power -
Savannah Theis
the taking oneself seriously and being taken seriously.
I started getting interested in conflict, and wondered how it could be engaged with, in a way that understands it as intrinsic to a situation, and that something is trying to be expressed,
Savannah Theis
- looking -
Savannah Theis
trying to be heard.
Savannah Theis
- sensing, bringing what is inside, outside -
Valentina Curandi
Belief system #3: Suddenly it will go away as like it came for no reason.
Savannah Theis
- picking up the feedback -
Savannah Theis
and
Savannah Theis
- checking on the outside, inside -
Savannah Theis
somehow, having a symptom or an unwanted sensation could be seen as having a kind of an internal conflict.
Valentina Curandi
When today I encountered my image reflected on the mirror, suddenly I realized I was off the meds. Me is me, finally.
Savannah Theis
What if what’s happening in me is also related to this idea of something
Savannah Theis
- staying to respond.
Savannah Theis
trying to happen that I don’t yet understand and that I see as unwanted.
Valentina Curandi
Every day I check my face, to make it presentable, controlling that everything is in the right place, or to which degree I need to make up and cover certain signs. Is a different deal from the state of being presentable to others - to socially conform.
Savannah Theis
But what if there were different ways of relating to that, and what if that actually could contribute to deeper understanding
Valentina Curandi
But the ability to become present to, at oneself. As I appeared to myself, my face was a portal, and I realised that a habit was broken: The morning puff. I did not puff for days, was that the realisation?
Savannah Theis
So perhaps I am thinking about decentralising healing practices, although I don’t see myself as a healer, probably more as a facilitator, someone who’s learning skills to support others to find different possibilities in themselves for understanding and engaging in their situation.
Valentina Curandi
When I saw myself today, I was relieved from a different sort of painful condition that supposedly the medication is meant to protect me from: I was there.
Savannah Theis
This way of approaching life or relationships is needed by me or by the person or the group I’m working with.
Savannah Theis
- because not getting better is attending to my personal feeling –
Savannah Theis
and it feels limiting to designate the searching attitude only to a professionalised therapeutic setting. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if this attitude...what if they were more mainstream, so that it could be a normal thing in everyday life to facilitate one another, or our communities?
Savannah Theis
- to be personal is attending to the silence needing more and more assistance -
Valentina Curandi
Matching an impossible match between the inner sensations and inner regulations and that surface of the face, but finding that in that incommensurability between inside and outside, a certain something was circulating between those sides of the portal, and was actually even sticking to the surface of my face, even though temporarily caught in the reflective surface: My current state.
Savannah Theis
- as a form of activism,
Valentina Curandi
(cough) Language
Savannah Theis
- understanding all experience as interconnected with the wider social field -
Valentina Curandi
It’s like a play of positions in this process of changing positions, interchanging positions, there’s always somebody who is becoming the field, making dynamic something that the person who started the process probably is looking for.
13:51.000 Voice packet #3 ends
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